Title: Finding a loophole in an Alpha order
Pairing: Jacob/Paul/Jared; Jacob/Paul
Rating: NC-17 ~ M
Beta-ed by: the wonderful ReluctantOptimist
Declaimer: I do not own any of the recognizable characters, plots or conceptions of Twilight, unfortunately. They belong to Stephenie Meyer.
Summary: Jared learns from first hand that Jacob has amasing talent for finding ways around Alpha orders, especially when he has Paul as motivation.
For all chapters: Chapter listing
The sky is gloomy and dark, and swirling clouds are blocking the sunlight and hiding the sun. Cool, damp winds are blowing from the east, bringing the smell of dampness and rain.
Paul is walking alone in the woods, his feet making faint squishing sounds with every step in the mushy mud. He reaches a little clearing covered with lush, green grass and decides to stop there for a while. A low, silent sigh leaves his lips as he sits on an old, moss covered log and rests his head in his hands as he closes his eyes briefly.
He heaves another heavy sigh as he rubs his face with his hands and then presses his palms against his eyes.
He still can't believe that this is actually happening, that he is forbidden to touch his own imprint, that he is deprived from Jacob's touch. It is killing him. The need and the cravings are driving him crazy with unbearable desire. He needs Jacob, needs to be touched, to be held and pressed closer…
It is ironical and purely cruel that the only one who can bring him relief, the only one who can quench his painful desire is not allowed to touch him. Jacob can't even touch him intimately with even a single finger. He couldn't feel the elatedness of Jacob's calloused fingers trailing sensually over his sensitive skin, or the contentedness of him caressing his body. All he could do was hold his hand. It was sheer cruelty, inhumanity…. A complete madness….
How can Sam do such a thing? Sam who has an imprint himself…who knows from first hand how it feels to want someone to complete irrationality and insanity…who knows how strong the pull of the imprint is…
"Let him burn in hell for this…stupid, sadistic fucker…" Paul curses under his nose but the words hold more pain and frustration than hate or disdain.
It's been three weeks since the last time he and Jacob has held each other, kissed, had made love, and now Paul can practically feel himself losing his mind. He has never imagined that the simple joy from someone's touch can mean so much to him, that it can affect him so strongly…And now what affects him even more powerfully is the complete lack of it.
He raises his head and an irritated, yet somehow listless expression crosses his face as he sees the sun through the ragged thick clouds. It is almost noon already and he and Jared hasn't even started the patrol for the day. Though Paul doubts that there would be any patrolling today since Jared had explicitly refused to get out of the bathroom or even talk with him after what has happened between them just a few hours ago.
What had actually happened? Well…. Paul isn't completely sure himself. Actually he feels rather confused and clueless on the matter.
Jared had acted so weird, so...awkward. Paul has never seen him look so tense, so serious, so not like himself like he had been this morning.
Although, that wasn't the only thing that bothered him—it was far from it. Actually there is something that confuses and puzzles him even more than Jared's actions, and that was his own response. The way he had reacted himself.
He had been so utterly surprised when he has been flipped over, but that doesn't justify what happened right after, or to be more exact what hadn't happened. Jared had pinned him against the bed, pressing him against the mattress and all Paul had managed to do was stare at him in complete shock, lay limply under him and gape in confusion. And then…then Jared had leaned closer and closer…he had been about to…
"Fuck!" Paul gasps and jumps to his feet as the realization suddenly hits him.
He knew that what Jared was doing was definitely not a joke or playing around, but now as he thinks more carefully about it, Paul suddenly realizes that Jared had actually tried to kiss him…To fucking press their lips together and if it hadn't been for Jared's mother calling from the outside…His best friend would've actually done it…
But what is even more bothersome is that Paul had done nothing to stop him, absolutely nothing. He had just lain there obediently and quietly, his heart racing inside his chest while his whole body had been tingling in a strange, warm fluster and unexplainable anticipation. He hadn't fought when Jared had pressed him against the mattress, he hadn't resisted even in the slightest way, and he hadn't even tried to push him away or stop him.
Paul feels his breath growing heavier and ragged with agitation as his mind struggles to comprehend and analyze his own behavior. Jared doesn't bother him so much anymore—at least not as much as his own reaction troubles him, worries him…scares him.
Has he actually wanted it? Wanted to be touched, to feel the warmth of another body against his, to be wrapped in a pair of strong arms, to feel soft lips against his…?
A choked whine leaves Paul's lips as he sits on the log again, but the numbing fluster and agitation that are raging inside his chest doesn't give him peace and make his body pulse with restless nervousness. He had actually liked it. His body had responded to the touch. Paul had practically lost his breath and shivered harshly when Jared had rubbed the tip of his nose against his. His throat had gone dry and tight when Jared had leaned closer, their lips almost touching.
He had enjoyed it…wanted it. His whole body had answered naturally to the closeness, had submitted and pulsed in eagerness and need.
This is bad. Really, really…bad.
What would he tell Jacob? How would Jacob react?
Paul groans hollowly as his hands curl into fists.
This isn't even supposed to happen. He can't tell him. He can't just tell his imprint that he had let himself been touched and almost kissed by another. And what is even worse is that he had to tell Jacob that he hadn't fought it in any way. That he had just lain there in a stupor, pliant, not resisting and subconsciously waiting to see how far Jared would actually go.
He misses being touched, he misses the warmth of another body against his and now as Jacob isn't allowed to touch him with even a finger, Paul is feeling his whole being heavy and strained with need, with almost painful, torturing longing. He had savored Jared's touch, no matter how brief it had been. Paul had relished the simple touches like a man dying of thirst in a desert would crave for a tiny drop of water.
Paul stands up shakily as a faint sigh leaves his lips, his ears pounding as an intense and shimmering feeling of guilt washes over him and makes him squeeze his eyes shut.
A loud, crackling thunder echoes in the distance and his eyes snap open just in time to see the grey gloomy sky being torn by blinding, blazing lightning. Paul just frowns and brushes his long fingers through his hair as he turns in the direction of his home, his brows furrowing as the first cool drops hit his heated skin and vaporize instantly.
His hands shake slightly as he reaches for the button of his shorts. Paul strips absentmindedly, readying himself to phase. It would be a thousand times faster getting home on four legs and he isn't really in the mood for walking anymore. He needs to get home as soon as possible and think things over carefully before deciding whether he should talk with Jacob or keep what has happened this morning between him and Jared a secret.
Though as he phases, his body still tingling in light crawling shivers, his senses catch someone else's presence through the mental link that the whole pack shares. At first he almost panics, his thoughts too scattered, chaotic and personal to be shared with whoever could peek into his mind, but then as he forces himself to calm down a little, Paul finally tries to understand who the other person is, who of his pack brothers is in wolf form too at the moment.
As he finally reaches for the other's mind, carefully, gently not wanting to be noticed, Paul feels himself tensing up as his senses slide over a mind that is just as confused, bothered and anxious as his or maybe even more.
Paul almost gasps as he realizes that it's Jared. Jared is in wolf form too and he isn't any less agitated and restless, so restless that Paul's worries of being noticed are ungrounded. Jared misses Paul's presence completely.
Paul doesn't hesitate for long as he pushes swiftly between the thick trees, his pace gradually increasing as he makes his way to the little clearing he knows so well, the little clearing where Jared always goes when he wanted to be alone.
Jared is lying in the middle of a little, round clearing, his head resting on his crossed paws, his eyes closed as the cool, damp wind is running through his thick fur, the sensation so soft and soothing that he closes his eyes. He has been running for hours, all morning to be more exact, he had run till his legs had given out and he had finally found himself here, in the place where he always goes when he needed peace and quiet. Running had always helped Jared, it had calmed him, helped him relax when he had felt anxious or confused.
He is lying limply on the cool damp grass, his huge body relaxed and lax. Jared feels drained from his strength, his muscles tingling with a hot, shimmering sensation as though they are made of molten lead.
The long run had helped him a little, loosed the strain in his body and helped him shake off the obsessive feeling of restlessness. And now he is so exhausted that he can't even phase back into human form. He would have fallen asleep if his disturbed subconscious had let him and given him peace.
Though, Jared's mind is a complete mess, his thoughts racing and twisting inside his head, his confusion, desperation and self-loathing almost choking him as he forces himself to breathe deeply even though it proves to be quite difficult for him to focus on anything, even on his own breathing.
He had almost lost it that morning. He had almost kissed his best friend – his male best friend, his imprinted on best friend. If it hadn't been for his mother, Jared would have crossed the line, he would have stepped over the boundaries of what had been dreams, fantasies and daydreaming to something completely real and physically possible.
Jared had wanted Paul so bad.
He wants Paul so badly.
Now he realizes that there isn't any point in denying it or trying to deceive himself with false delusions. He had almost kissed him, and oh how he had wanted to. Jared wanted to taste those lips, to feel if they are as sweet and soft as they look, to see them part and curl in that so subtle and soft "o" like they do every time when Paul moans or pouts.
He lets out a low, short whine and covers his head with his paws as all dreams from the last couple of weeks start surfacing in his dazed mind with shocking clearness and vividness. It is so realistic that he feels as though he is standing and watching from aside, ogling how Paul's body writhes and shakes in spasms of pleasure.
And unlike all the previous times, Jared doesn't try to chase the thoughts and the images away. He is tired of fighting against it and pretending that it is not actually happening, so he lets himself sink completely into the strange, iridescent, and almost overwhelming jumble of need, confusion, torturing desire and lust.
For a few minutes, Jared feels almost dazed and lightheaded, his mind too hazed and engrossed in his fantasies to register the sound of the soft, hesitant steps of four paws moving over the damp, lush grass.
He probably wouldn't have noticed anything if it wasn't for the choked, shocked yelp that echoes through the little clearing. And even though the sound is barely audible, to Jared it sounds like a scream; earsplitting, deafening, and resonating. A harsh shudder runs through his entire body, filling his senses with anxiety and desperation.
Jared jumps to his feet, his four legs trembling slightly as he shakes his head harshly. He knows the tone of that quiet sound, he knows whose throat had left the barely audible whine and the simple knowledge of it nearly kills him. Jared hesitantly opens his eyes only to find nothing but lines of dark thick trunks of tall pine trees that are surrounding the little clearing. He almost wants to groan with relief, at first thinking that he had just imagined it but then all his senses are alerted again as cool, damp wind blows from the north and brings a whiff of an all too familiar spicy scent. Jared turns around slowly, hesitantly; his dazed mind finally becoming aware of the other's presence through the shared mental link.
Jared gulps thickly; his breath hitching in his throat as he reluctantly meets a pair of huge, brown orbs.
The silver wolf just stays there rigidly, as though frozen in his place, and Jared anxiously wonders how much, and what exactly Paul has actually seen. Though, one slow and tentative reach for his friend's mind confirms all of Jared's fears. He senses so much confusion, distress, shock and helpless, uneasy turmoil in Paul's being that the simple touch to it sets his own mind into overdrive.
He whines inwardly as he inhales deeply. Jared wants to run away, to just turn around, disappear in the woods, hide somewhere and never come out.
"Paul, it's not w-what you t-think it is…." He stutters pathetically as he makes a hesitant, shaky step towards the silver wolf. "I- I can explain…."
Paul just shakes his head as he makes a slow tottering step back, his eyes closing briefly, his whole body visibly tensed and strained.
The simple, quiet and passive reaction just devastates Jared completely. He'd rather saw Paul angry, furious, hell he prefers Paul to just attack him and bite his tail off… but his friend just stays there, eyes wide and full with frustration, distress and an emotion which Jared can't quite recognize.
The sky lightens up with blazing lighting and loud, crackling thunders echo in the distance, making Jared flinch. Slowly but surely it starts raining, and little cool drops hit the ground with faint, hollow thuds. Paul doesn't move at all, his eyes set on Jared as he doesn't even acknowledge the rain that starts soaking his fur, his tail lowered, ears flat against his head.
"Paul, please let me explain…" Jared pleads desperately as he tries to approach his best friend again but the other wolf just flinches away, a low roar leaving his mouth as he shakes his head again, as though trying to clear his mind.
The sky is gaining a metal gray color with a sickly cast of green, the air heavy with both humidity, and unbearable tension which has nothing to do with the ominous storm that is about to descend upon La Push.
It thunders again, the sound deafening and resonating through the woods; through the thick trunks of the trees, the loudness of the vibration almost painful for Jared's sensitive hearing, making him squeeze his eyes shut. The earsplitting crackling gradually fades away and Jared slowly opens his eyes only to find the place where Paul has stood seconds ago, vacant.
"Paul, wait!" Jared yelps, but to no avail. All he sees is how Paul's silver tail disappears in the darkness between the solid trunks of the pine trees.
The rain grows heavier, turning into a thick curtain of cold, pouring water. It soaks his fur, makes it feel heavier and matted, but Jared just stays there, unable to bring himself to move. The thought about what has just happened making him feel so horribly overwrought and so utterly distressed that he can't even begin to comprehend it. After a few minutes he starts feeling himself growing cold; long, deep shivers running down his spine as he just collapses on the muddy ground, his paws sinking into the mushy dirt.
A low, tortured whine echoes through the woods and Paul flinches as he scrambles to a halt, his ears rising with alarm. He looks hesitantly over his shoulder, his eyes sliding frantically over the dark woods in the direction of the little clearing. He remains like this for a couple of minutes, his chest heaving erratically from both the run and the overwhelming distress that crawls over his spine as a low, hollow wail leaves his throat. Paul can still feel Jared, feel his desperation but he forces himself to ignore it, too confused and agitated himself to even try to understand it.
He swallows thickly as his paws dig into the mud, his muscles straining as he dashes through the dark forest, his shaking, flexing legs carrying him farther and farther away from his best friend. Paul doesn't look back.